Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Journeys- Grad Part 1

It seems so much like the journey is ending, that my job is done, that you are going off to find a new journey and adventure, and that yours is just beginning.   But in a way it's the end of this one for me.  It's hard to not look at it as all over, the end of the best job I ever had.  But that's the mystery of youth, that your life is just starting, ready to take you wherever your heart wants it to go.  It all started for me with you, when I wasn't much older (but still MUCH OLDER, 5 more years yet).  But I was just a girl, still finding out about life, love, and myself, not so much finding who I was, like so many describe those years as, but defining who I wanted to be, what would shape my life. The parts of my self God made me to be, that were yet to be uncovered, and still some that are.  Then you tore in with the sweetest little girl moments that ever could be, mixed in with the nights of screaming and colic, and I wondered how I would ever survive.  But this day is here.... so fast.  The memories pile on top of each other in a rushing wave and then sometimes I can't remember any of the funny things you said when you were 4.  But the story doesn't end, there is always another journey around the corner for everyone!

I could not be more proud of the accomplishments you've achieved and the ways you've succeeded at some of the things this life brings to us, used your gifts well and done your best with what you're been given; and yet if none of those worldly achievements were, I would be as proud of you still, who you are, the way you've come through trials, and anxieties, made choices that turned your direction, tried your best, and seen failures that have made you have more grace.

Knowing that LOVE is still the most of all the things we want for our children, so often I fail at being the best example of that.  I know that you care much less about being an MVP, than having and loving friends, being the best big sister, and seeking truth in your black and white mind.  Oh ya and Pinteresting some cool ideas.  I just think how proud your Grandpa would have been of you.... who sat in his wheelchair, totally relying on someone else to do everything for him,  he would have the biggest smile on his face.  You and him would have been good friends, you and him are so much alike.  He, who could physically DO nothing, yet impacted so many people with his love and patience and character.  That's what I pray for you, above all else that this day means, beyond the blessings of the brains and athletic ability you've been given.

So the big question is, can I trust?  Let you go, trust that you're ready for all the big decisions, trust the world out there to take care of you?  Trust that the one who made you, who decided to give you to us, cares even more than I ever could? And that being a Mom has been the most joy, worry, growing and learning, giving up of one's self experience that you can ever have.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I heard a young woman, late 20's this week say she wasn't sure if she ever wanted kids, or was ready to stop being selfish.  That's a big part of growing up, but you will get back more than you ever give!!  Learn more than you could imagine, and see your heart grow bigger, get crushed, feel more for someone else than you ever thought possible, every Mom knows.

I know I'm being melodramatic, that she's not moving across the country to go to university like many of her friends are.. that we still have time.. and I can still bake cookies after school, without being a psycho clingy Mom.  And I am sharing the sadness of those Moms, watching their babies go on their own Journeys.  Knowing that there is much more that I still get to watch up close!  And I can't wait!!  Go get 'em girl!

 A model she will never be.  Typical Erin pose.  What do I do with my hands?

 Someone is closing in height wise pretty fast!

 E and her "date"

No one told me until it was time to go that I was supposed to steam the gown!! At least she traded in her 6'5" gown for a 6'3", still a little large.
There were lots of other boys going to school with it scrunched in a bag.

1 comment:

bigcanadiangirl said...

Congratulations to all. You've done such a good job raising a beautiful girl. Also, when I first looked at that photo of Jacob, I thought it was KD for a second.