... that in itself is a huge joy and wonder! To have someone that shares a part of your soul. I have someone I can tell anything to, who still loves me. Who can pick up in a moment, months gone by and say, "that's not who you are", "this is why you do that", because they know you, or "what I see is...". That is a gift! I don't have a sister who has seen everything about me from birth to now, but my life is full of sister friends who take that place. I realize today how much we need to encourage each other, that we need each other so desperately much, to know we're on the right road, to pick us up when we're stumbling around. To give wisdom from something we've already learned and pass it onto someone else who needs it. To give our hearts to our daughters.
I have been restless, so restless for months now. Stumbling around, not really knowing where this life is headed. Wanting a cause, a purpose outside of myself. I don't want to just fill a day with things to keep busy, or interested, or heaven forbid to stave off boredom. There needs to be more, more purpose filling the moments, more life giving interactions. But I feel so ill equipped to do that. And it seems so hard to find right now.
The thing about turning 40, is realizing how little I really have, how much I need a Savior. In my 20s, I had the world by the tail, was confident, directed, a leader, led a campus ministry, and didn't doubt so often. But probably stepped on a few more toes and hearts. Didn't know the bits of silence that God gives to draw us. He knows we can handle Him turning His back for moment, a blip of time that feels like way too long, but to Him is a way to test our faithfulness.
If God never spoke, would you still trust Him? If you never again heard His voice, would you still love Him, want Him? There was that 400 years of silence where no one heard from Him, what was He doing all that time? Preparing a gift, a breakthrough, spending time with the Son He was going to give away? Ignoring our pleas, or in some way drawing us out of ourselves?
It's easy to see how I need Him when I've had the lack of Him. So I am thankful:
298. Depth of friendships over the years, sharing, confessing, laughing
299. Skies that look a lot like Alberta
300. Oh I wish I had my camera.. the rich navy/black storm clouds gathering over the dark, Emerald green of Kalamalka Lake with golden grasses dancing in the foreground
301. Jacob's big schedule change and class shuffle ending up to be a good thing in the end, and his friend joining him there at the end of last week.
302. A new window that KD has been working so hard to get installed
303. Tomatoes overflowing their vines
304. Mom and Dad going to Romania to visit missionary friends
305. Feeling appreciated and good at my job
306. Love this acoustic feel
307. A delivery of books
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