Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 4

I'm at home for day 4 of a coughing, fever, sick boy. It's one of those weeks when I went out to the store in sweats.  I know he'll be better soon, and I know there are so many Moms who deal with their babies being sick with serious things.  My heart hurts when I think about it.  I am thankful I have a Costco sized bottle of Tylenol to cure fevers, and think of the Moms who have no access to such things, and wait in worry.  I shudder to think about the infant mortality rate in other 3rd World nations where a large majority of woman have felt the loss of a child, or 2, or 5, without a hope for better health.

I became a nurse for those very reasons. I wanted to be on the mission field helping those Moms, those babies, battling tropical diseases, performing surgery with a pine needle, some twigs and suet. (I'm kind of enjoying this new show as long as it doesn't become too soap-opera-y). And so sometimes I sit and wonder where life took a different turn for me.  And some of it makes sense, why we are here, how God led us, but there are days when I want more adventure, to make a big difference, to be doing the dream.  But I think that is a lot of it, "doing".  I want to live as Christ in whatever He puts before me for today.  But where does the doing fit into it? because we can't just be "being" all the time.  Yes, I'm so Martha, not Mary.  And now, there are more of us to fit into my "dream", and it has to be God's plan and it has never quite felt right, like it was the time or the place to follow that, the opportunity.  So I'll wait and see.  But sometimes I just don't understand it all.  Why I was given a longing, for a place, for a people, that was used once for awhile, and then sat stagnating for so long.  But I know I am lazy, and now become more afraid of change. I'm 40 you know. 

So I'll stay home on this Friday and nurse my own boy back to health, give him some love, make my hubby some cookies, DO all the Mom things I love to do. To be in a place I love. And stay warm!


Randi said...

I have similar thoughts all the time ... I think we always question the bigger purpose in life. Maybe when the kids are grown you and Kevin will jet off to other countries ... our old pastor and his wife are moving to China this year. You never know where the path will lead.

"bigcanadiangirl" said...

Are you sickness free now?